(How we meet) He was my junior on my jhs

It was 2013, when im an idiotic teenager that feeling a crazy heartbroken, it was craziest stuff i ever felt, it was so hurt inside. That feeling, still leave mark on my heart, mind, ah i would never can be same person again after that. What i thinkin just i wanted to become a girl with cold heart. Idk, but it was, i dont have any feeling that i want to be with anyone else again. I feel like days were useless, empy, broken, i feel so messed up. I try so hard to fix my self, everydays i just talkin about my ex day and night on twitter, i was so depressed, wanting him back like crazy.

Facebook made me a reunion with my junior on my jhs that i never talk to when we were at school. All I know he is a little bit popular cause he is cute and tall back then, but, i never like popular guys, i hate them. It was a "hijacking account" greets. But after that, all the convos just going, i talk about my problems to him, his advice hillariously makes me feel better, i was a girl who never want to talk with guy but this one is somehow im addicted to talk to him. That time we never meet each other, like for 2 years, the last time i met him is on my sisters graduation in jhs, lately i know that i was sitting behind him when he send me the photo, what a coincidental. i never know that, all i remember is he is lookin older that his age lol.

Days goes, one day my sisters say that he had a GF, i dont believe it somehow, he never talk anything about it to me, and all of his social media never show like he has one, i feel guilty if he have one, but again, i cant stop talking to him day night in private chat, but in my social media i always crawlin for my ex, i cant be naive that i need someone to talk to after a broken heart, he is the one.

Days become weeks, weeks become moths, and one day i figure out his gf twitter account and thats crazy like he s really good at hiding something, i start to thing is it okay if i still talk to him, but we never meet each other, and all our convos are just stupid things and we never being flirty to each other,  uhm im not sure about the last one lol. and bassically we are just friend.

But, idk somehow things go wrong i start liking him, since we alwasy looking each other when the other one is busy, he is start to sending tweet codes to me, and i do that also. start to just liking him, and then i begin to liking him so much, even we never meet each other. he was cold guys, he never talk about his privacy, never ask me to meet again to, thats something that made me curious about this little bastard.

i start fangirling over him, but i cant get over my feeling to my ex too, it was we are just like idk how its called. i liking him much but i still hope that i could back to my ex, so much too. i cant even move on and that feeling to my ex was can completely gone on last months in 2015 lol im a crybaby. my feeling was too big for my ex. thats too bad. my advice is never love someone so much. just dont.

in same side my feeling for him grow and grow, i stard made poem for him, you can check older posting of mine. it was hard days for me, i never ask him about his gf, he never talk to me about it too, and his gf never talk much about their relationship in social media too but sometimes she does, it was confusing to me, and all i want is im not hurting anybody, even if he dont have a gf, i try to get aways from him, not just once, but the results still we back texting each other again. because i dont talk with anybody else but him.

and in late 2014,in november, after talking each othe days and nights for 1 year as friend, that was first time i lied to him, he askin am i going out that day and i say im not when the fact is i wanting to go to my bestfirend home but i said im not just to check what he gonna say, and finnaly he ask me to meet up. within second im going crazy in public transportation, i was nervous. never thought that we gonna meet each other again after few years. and the we go to cinemas. it was the most anoyying film i ever watch on cinema because there is no good film that day. but i dont care, i was so die happy.

i want to give a litte bit story when was i met him for the 2nd time and ah shit i dont remember 2nd time i met him, fuck it. later maybe.

but if its not wrong here it goes.

in earlier 2015 i start to think, why the hell am i never talk to another boy, im being so cold with other boys except to him. not just once i getting so many advice to be become more friendly. and i askin him about this, he said "dont be cold with anybody else, maybe one day we need them we never know" since that day, i starting busy with my game friends. all i do is check the group chats. i rarely talk to him. but we still saying good morning and good nigt everydays but thats all, nothing else. maybe its what people called with "bored".

and then after im being friendly with other i started getting trouble, boys start to getting close withe me, i meet this guy on sunday other guy on monday, other guy on saturday but still i think they are just friend for me, until i realize that they likin me. and finnaly im in relationship with someone that would ride 3 hours just to see me, and i broke up with him because after 2 month dating him, other guy come to me and i likin him too. yea, im becoming someone i never thought i would be, im such a mess.

This guy that dating me never know i was dating someone when he start to get close with me. Because what? because i still chatting days and night with my junior jhs too. So bassically im total bastard back then. Im promising my self to not make this kind of situation happen again but i cant stop.

While dating him, i going with other person too to cinemas and one day my jhs junior that alwayas talk to me figure out that i have a bf becomin so mad, he getting mad, he decide to end everythings, and all i can do was apologizingt, that not stopping me for being bastard either. i still goin with other person when im in this relationship. my bf always ask me why i never want to reply his mention and dont want to write his name on my bbm satus and it drives me crazy, after that i decide to be loyal. But, then.

" I cant be far away from you, you may have a bf but i dont care, im happy to talk to you, i feel comfort when im with you, please stay, just keep like this, i dont care. you know i was have a gf when we are close but since you came i dont care, you are someone i wanted to talk to"

This message forever stuck in my head, my jhs junior send this after we dont talk  for a month he figure out that i had a bf. Both of us are bastard tou our couple. I know it was so wrong but you cant lie to your feeling. After couple months we went out to cinemas again, if i not wrong the this is our 2nd date.

Nah, we never holding hand, hugin or etc, we just talk and sitting next each other, thats already made me feels butterfly effect on my stomach. he is something else for me.but i feel guilty, after that i try to make everythings just fine like before, i have to make sure that we are just friend to each other, i start to just talk about my boyfriend to him, how happy im with him and stuff even im dying inside, he is doing the same about his gf but he just talkin about that his girlfriend try to get away from him.

All i thought is why our time is never right for each other, when till we gonna wait. Its hurt so much inside. For me. I never know how on his side.

to be continued.. wkwk

Aku Butuh Lebih Dari 24 Jam Sehari

Dulu aku pernah mendengar keluhan orang dewasa yang mengatakan bahwa 24 jam sehari terlalu sedikit buat mereka.
Aku tertawa terbahak di dalam hati, aku anggap mereka berlebihan, aku bahkan tidak sabar menunggu hari esok datang karena semua terasa terlalu membosankan.
Kini, dewasapun belum aku sudah benar-benar butuh tambahan jam dalam sehari.
Aku seperti terengah dikejar waktu.

Hidup terkadang terlalu membingungkan untuk ditebak.
Terkadang situasi membuatku beridiri seperti tanpa arah, terkadang membuatku berapi-api dan berambisi untuk kemudian tanpa arah lagi.
Aku sendiri sedang kebingungan kenapa aku menuliskan hal ini.
Tak terlihat penting tapi suatu hari nanti, setahun dua tahun atau mungkin sepuluh tahun lagi aku membaca sedikit keluhku dan mengatakan "ah aku tidak lagi merasakan ini".

Dengan siapa saja yang tak perlu bersusah dalam hidup, ah mana mungkin, seberuntung beruntungnya seseorang aku yakin semua orang pernah merasakan naik turun nya hidup dan Tuhan tau betul seberapa kuat tiap-tiap orang memikul beban.

Sekarang, aku membayangka anak-anak kecil dikepalaku yang belum tahu jika mereka akan tumbuh dan merasa punya tanggung jawab tanpa seorangpun mengatakan mereka untuk menanggung"beban hidup" nantinya.

Eh,

Siapa yang bilang jahat itu jahat siapa yang mengatakan hal-hal baik itu baik.
Siapa yang mengatakan bahagia itu ini itu dan siapa yang mengklasifikasikan sedih itu ini.
Siapa pula yang mengatakan cantik dan jelek sebagai sesuatu yang kita terima sekarang.
Apa hal itu hal-hal yang kita lahir dengan, atau itu hal-hal yang kita pelajari.

Liar, hal-hal itu kita mengartikanya dengan sesuatu yang diluar batasan dari zona aman.
Buatku menjadi hal itu hanya ada didalam fantasi kepalaku. Tapi sejujurnya sedikitpun aku tidak tertarik untuk ada didalam atau menjadi sepeti kata tersebut sama halnya dengan orang-orang "liar" yang mungkin juga tidak ingin menjadi "baik-baik" karena satu dan lain hal, karena "baik-baik" adalah bukan zona mereka.
Jadi intinya semua itu hanya masalah prespektif dalam lingkup mayoritas dan minoritas.

Tapi tunggu, liar yang saya maksud adalah apa yang ada di kepala saya.
Buat orang-orang agamis pasti saya liar.
Buat orang-orang liar saya masih dalam batas agamis.
Ah, tapi mana tahu isi kepala mereka.

Tapi yang pasti, hidup ini hanya sekali, jadi hiduplah dengan baik. Dengan apa adanya.
Dan untuk yang percaya Tuhan, suatu hari akan ada hari perhitungan.
Semua orang punya dosa dan Tuhan punya maaf.
Buatku tidak ada kata terlambat untuk kembali jika kita sadar apa yang kita lakukan adalah salah.
Jangan terlalu mati-matian dengan hal-hal duniawi karena semua sifatnya sementara disini.

Kita ini saudara, untuk saling membenci hanya membuang waktu kita.
Dan satu senyuman yang kamu toreh buat saudaramu mungkin saja jadi kunci surga buatmu.
Ah, mana tahu.

Sedikit cerita untuk pria gemini.

Aku belajar banyak hal dan mulai mengerti arti pahitnya menjadi tulus. Tapi itu tidak membuatku kapok menjadi orang tulus. Aku mulai belajar banyak ketika bercermin kepada kedua orang tuaku. Kegagalan mereka. Aku tidak mengerti kenapa cinta begitu amat sangat tidak berarti. Kenapa harus mementingkan ego ketika kita sudah punya semuanya. Keluarga. Aku kira itu cara mendeskripsikan kata semuanya segalanya. Kenapa harus semua ketulusan kesabaran ketabahan seorang wanita harus dibalas dengan penghiatan kebohongan kesakitan dan kenapa dengan bodohnya wanita harus memilikin kesabaran yang besar, kesenangan untuk dibohongi, ketidak tegasan untuk meninggalkan jika belum benar benar dicampakan.

Ya. Ibuku luar biasa sabarnya.

Tapi aku baru tahu rasanya cinta. Bagaimana aku merasa bodoh. Merasa benar benar dibodohi dan bodohnya aku merasa masa bodoh dengan semuanya. Yang aku tau hanya dia dia dia. Seseorang yang takan perduli padaku walaupun hanya sedetik. Ya aku, aku yang egoisnya tinggi, gengsinya tinggi menjadi cengeng menjadi sosok yang amat sangat menjijikan karna cinta. Dan bodohnya aku sama sekali tak perduli akan semua sakit yang aku terima. Yang aku perduli adalah dia tetap menjadi milikku walaupun sebenarnya dia tak lagi perduli aku.

Ya, aku merasakan apa yang ibuku rasakan. Luar biasa dahsyat sakitnya.

Aku menangis, kehabisan nafas. Sakitnya menjalar sampai keulu hati. Tapi yah semua takan kembali.

Sampai detik ini aku akan menanti bagaimana semua akan berakhir. Bagaimana aku masih memilih untuk menunggunya yang sudah jatuh cinta dengan gadis lain. Ya. Aku memilih untuk menunggu seseorang yang luar biasa menyakitiku.

Kenapa?

Aku mencintainya. Aku tidak tahu kenapa aku mencintainya. Dan aku tidak tahu kenapa aku masih menunggunya.

Jujur. Aku tak punya jawaban atas semua pertanyaanku sendiri.

Tullisan I Love ALLAH akan muncul di layar monitor anda

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3. Readdd that :))

sumber : http://www.kaskus.us/showthread.php?t=10177422

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